Taking time to write all the things I have done down really brought me a peace of mind that I haven’t had in years. It is like I have had the weights lifted off my shoulders. I feel a major sense of relief and peace with myself. Through these writings I can tell you that my mind and soul have become clear and I don’t feel like I have to mask my past activities any longer. I can accept what has happened and now move on from them and begin a whole new future and grow into the man, son, friend, and boyfriend I have always wanted to be. I can say it feels like a completely great new start.
Today my win is doing the assist pack and learning how to help someone when they are coming off drugs. I learned so much and know how to apply it now. I’m so happy that I completed the New Life Detoxification Program and can focus better on my studies now. I am looking forward to the rest of the program. I can now start lifting heavy and get back to my favorite physical activities. Going beast mode in every activity I do is what I desire. I couldn’t have gotten this far without all the support from the people here at Narconon.
Furthermore, I cannot express my deep concern and gratitude on my overall wellbeing. I am at a loss of words for how wonderful I feel. There is a great feeling of complete knowingness and coherences now. I feel as if everything is going my way. There is nothing I regret or resent anymore. Everything in my pas has made me who I am and for that matter stronger. I have never been very emotional on drugs, now I have a wide range and basket of emotions. The sensations I get from life remind me of those I experienced with I was a little boy growing up. Colors are brighter, sounds are deeper and richer and taste and smells take me away.
When confronting a past relationship from her addiction:
At first I was angry with myself for letting “him” thing what he did to me was ok. Then I was angry with him for doing it and going on with his life like nothing ever happened. I don’t necessarily forgive him, but I am ready to move on from it. I know I can’t forget it, but I also cannot let it affect me anymore. I can learn from my mistakes and stay away from him and people like him. I can better myself, my situations, and the environment I put myself in. I am not angry anymore and I am ready to move on.
Doing this portion of my program helped me to understand why I may have relapsed after 15 years of sober living. I have never been through the purification experience and I am looking forward to having these toxins out of my body for good. It really helps to know and understand why I have been feeling so bad for so long even when I was not using.